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How many of us want to admit we are fucked up and damaged? I mean, who walks around with that sign on their back? But guess what, that’s exactly what we need in order to heal. We need to look at our individual areas where we aren’t as pretty as we thought or want others to believe we are. Why? Because of the beauty that comes out of those places:the growth,the tapping into self, the embracing of self, and the freeing of self.

It reveals to us who is in our lives for just us, all of us:the messy,the glory, and the blahs. Recently, I saw a movie with my daughter based on a book. In the movie, one of the characters gave the lead character the gift of her faults. It wasn’t until she was deep in her dark night of the soul that she was able to defeat that darkest part of herself by facing her ugly side which was actually her beauty.
Love isn’t about the flowers, and it’s not about the highs. It’s about who is there when it stinks helping you to get back up and hold that mirror up to you showing you that yup your shit stinks but guess what I’m here because mine does too. May we all will be lucky enough to encounter those that accept us at our worst so we can grow into our best selves.


Letting Go To Embrace

One of my favorite movies is “The Labyrinth.” One of my favorite scenes in “The Labyrinth” is the junk lady scene after Sarah wakes from the dream where she was at the masquerade ball as she awakens it appears she is back at home in her bedroom. All the things she has collected and loved for many years are in that bedroom, all her valued childhood things. Suddenly she sees a older woman who is going through her stuff and literally putting it on herself her back to be more accurate. This old haggard woman is bogged down by the weight she is applying and carrying on her back she can’t stand tall and appears to be proud that her back is bent and occupied by the weight she has put on herself to carry.

The old haggard woman begins to give the young lady things to hold onto. They are her things from the past specifically her childhood her beloved childhood items. However, it feels wrong that she is accepting more gifts from the woman to put on her back she isn’t at peace the very things that use to comfort her now don’t feel right for this moment of her life. Sarah is trying very hard to remember what it is she is missing, what her mission is, where she is and why she is there. More importantly why she doesn’t have peace about being in the midst of her own belongings.  She looks puzzled, afraid and confused looking at this weighed down older woman who is basically a bag lady carrying trash that she calls her treasure as the bag lady begins to offer Sarah more stuff to carry her intent is to distract her from finding her brother Sarah utters a simple word that holds so much power she says no!

The old weighed down bag lady acts like she doesn’t hear her she keeps telling her here dear you love this remember you love this and she tries to start putting items on Sarah’s back so Sarah can become like her a bag lady. As Sarah comes to herself she immediately starts tossing down all her beloved items because in that moment she remembers who she is and why she is there she has a mission to complete. She must save her brother and complete the labyrinth in order to find herself. Sarah doesn’t realize in this moment of turning away from the very things that are holding her back and trying to weigh her down and distract her the very act of her uttering a simple word NO! She has reclaimed her power and her position. She is no longer allowing her circumstances to dictate her outcome. She has now become the master of the Labyrinth by saying no.

What have you been holding onto for way too long that is bring the weight upon your back? Do you think you need to let it go? You might love it or it may have fit in your life at one point  it may even bring you great comfort,and it may be something that you couldn’t ever see yourself putting down or walking away from. However, now might be the time where you need to start saying no to the things that are making you slump over as you walk it is time for you to let go, you must let go. So you can stand tall and embrace completing your own personal labyrinth.

Do what Sarah  did when she remembered who she was and her purpose for being here she began to toss off any and everything that was distracting her from completing the Labyrinth and saving her brother Toby. Is there anything in your life trying to bog you down anything that makes you feel heavy. I dare you to toss it off and run towards the future. Don’t become a haggard old lady who can’t even stand tall but is slumped over by the trash she refuses to let go of. Cast your cares and the weight of this world upon him for his yoke is easy and his burden is light.

The Unspoken Dream

This is my sister and I’s tribute to the greatest musician to ever live. There are so many things I could share about how this man touched my life and the lives of those closest to me but one of the many lessons I learned from him was sometimes talking too much gets in the way of the art and how people experience it.  I will say my beautiful sister helped me write this after we first met him in 1998 in Vegas. We wanted him to know how much he inspired us and show appreciation for his craftsmanship. Enjoy a funny little story using some of his song titles. “True art like true love never dies” – MayReign


The Unspoken Dream

When Doves Cry I think of you standing in the Purple Rain. Your skin is Soft and Wet. I truly Adore 

you, more now than When You Were Mine. I can’t understand Why You Wanna Treat Me so Bad,

especially when I Feel For You and yearn for your Kiss. Right now Nothing Compares To You, you

made me so Delirious with your Blue Light that I Would Die 4 You. You were Insatiable and I was

your Hot Thing not your Nasty Girl. But that was during Courtin’ Time. You decided to Sleep

Around and Get Yo Groove On with Darling Nikki. I thought you said that you didn’t want to be

Somebody’s Somebody. I enjoyed reading The Morning Papers with you after you had been Loved

2 The 9’s. Our Love was The Max not Controversy and I thought I was your Sweet Baby and not

just a Curious Child that went with The Flow. You made me Escape to Erotic City for 17 Days. You

Took me to the Continental in your Little Red Corvette and gave me a coat of Pink Cashmere and a

Raspberry Beret. Then we went Uptown to Alphabet St. and you bought me 3 Chains O’ Gold. After

that you showed me off to your Girls and Boys at the Jam Of The Year in the White Mansion. You

whispered in my ear could you be The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, but before I replied you

said SHHH close your eyes. You took me upstairs and gave me One Kiss At A Time and said I

Wanna Melt With You for 7 days and 7 nights. I said Let’s Go Crazy and do it in Style because The

Love We Make is Gold. The Human Body should be treated like a Soul Sanctuary. The next day you

told me that I had to purify myself in The Holy River. Face Down (just like Elvis). We went to see

the Pope who told us about The Plan of a Saviour that would lead us to the New World of

Emancipation. After we left you said Baby I’m A Star and are you One Of Us. I said no, I don’t like

that Pop Life because there is nothing but Thieves In The Temple that want to take your Diamonds

And Pearls. You said Betcha By Golly Wow look at the time I gotta run. I said Damn U and your

Arrogance. Take Me With You to meet The Beautiful Ones in the Computer Blue. Don’t make me

have Another Lonely Christmas. Would it matter If I Was Your Girlfriend? Because I Wanna Be

Your Lover. You said baby don’t Push just keep Strollin’ , and Don’t Talk 2 Strangers. I said okay

Mr. Happy , I Can’t Make You Love Me and we went our separate ways. Now, I Count The Days

until you’ll be Right Back Here In My Arms. In This Bed I Scream because I can’t stop Dreamin’

About U and every night I check My Computer for your Emale. How Come U Don’t Call Me

Anymore? Sometimes I Hate U because I love U, but I can’t love you because I Hate U. I wonder if

you would treat your Friend, Lover, Sister, Mother/ Wife the way you have treated me, but I guess

that’s what I get for having Sex In The Summer on the “balcony” with you. I guess in the end that

Money Don’t Matter 2 Night and maybe next time I’ll use P Control. See you in the Dawn.

Written by N.S. And A.S. In 1998

How I discovered I am a Writer

I’ve gotten feedback from my “I Jumped” post. It seems a lot of us are in the same place. I call it ‘the great shaking-to-awakening’. Could the universe be trying to tell us something? For many years I have been in hiding. No, not hiding from the mob. More like hiding from myself ,and  all the clear signs my soul and the universe have been trying to send me over the course of my life. I recently found the still small voice inside asking myself over and over again, “How do I want to show up in the world? How do I want myself and others to know me as?” Most people, including myself, didn’t know I am a writer. The fault is all mine. I was wrestling with myself for many years, trying to answer the infinite(?) question of ‘WHO AM I? Who do I want to be?’ I always knew I wanted to be something out of this world big.

I always envisioned my life being as big as the universe. In my dreams I never put any limits on myself but in real life I found all the limits and stopped myself.  I feel like I stumbled through life willingly accepting the perceptions of others as truths. Willingly putting on many different hats that never seemed to fit. Trying to force all that is uniquely me into boxes or houses that I was never meant to fit into, all along never really feeling comfortable with myself, because deep inside my soul was dying. All this self-denial was killing the very spirit G-d gave to me. I felt myself disappearing. Not to say that I don’t enjoy the many parts of my life, (some more than others),but that’s not all I am or can be. Finally I took time to listen to the number 1 expert on me…Ding DING, ME! I quieted all the other voices in and around me. You know the ones I’m speaking of. The recordings in our heads from only the sky knows where. The voices of doubt, fear and unbelief. 

The voices that are the life-suckers of dreams. When we are young we don’t know who those voices are, until someone in our life who has been listening to them decides we dreamers need a wake up call. So they set up the “I’m concerned about you” type meetings where they introduce you to Doubt, Fear and Unbelief. Not because they are inherently evil and want to be dream killers, but they got trapped in the cycle with those voices and it sounded reasonable to them. Hell! It ends up sounding reasonable to you as well, the longer you live. The voices always bring up examples of the earthly responsibility we all have with coming of age. Get a “normal” 9-5 type job to take care of ourselves, so we can acquire more stuff than we need ,and join every one else in the “I don’t feel like this job is my life calling, but hey it pays the bills” line. Don’t get me wrong.

We all have to find our way in life and be responsible; but who said once you get a job you have to stop dreaming,or working on your dreams?  Most of the worlds richest and  most successful people had one thing in common. They all were dreamers who didn’t give up no matter what others said. They had the insight and vision to help make all of our lives easier and more enjoyable. I’m in no way suggesting we all quit our jobs and run after dreams ,but how about a balance where we at least try our dreams? Maybe some of you are living your dreams, and to you I say’ congrats, well done’. To the others, I have some advice about how I discovered mine. How I am living life more and more each day ,waking up being fulfilled, and feeling the satisfaction of knowing I tried when I go to my final sleep(death). What I found, and how I found it, may be of help to you on your own search for your soul’s journey. We all are born with a unique set of gifts.

What are those gifts you might ask? How do we find them? Those are big questions with very easy answers. So easy, in fact many of you might disregard the process.  I feel like I can help be a guide for whoever is reading this blog by just being honest and baring my heart. I don’t think we are all that different from one another. First off, I want to start by saying, No One else can give you the answers your soul is Screaming at you. No one else can hear your inner voice, and no one else can live your life. We are powerful beings who sometimes willingly, or maybe not so willingly, give our power over to things that should never be dictating our lives. I’m talking about things like fear, negative self-thinking, or never even trying because no one else we know has ever done anything like what we feel we should be doing.  Many times we hear people who we secretly think have it all together speak in these varied terms. we silently think to ourselves Gifts? What are they talking about? Newsflash! We all have them. We just don’t all honor or listen to them.

They are also very easy to find. If you will allow me to guide you in a simple exercise, something that I feel will help you reconnect with yourself: Think back to when you were young. What did you like to do? In playing with your friends, what part did you play? What role did you play? Face it, we all play roles throughout life. Some we choose, some are forced upon us, others we just happen into. But in order to pin point what our gifts are and why we were put here, I’d like us to do the “what roles have I been playing in life?” game Yes, I just came up with that name for this exercise.This is something I did for myself, and it helped. Ok; take a moment to quiet your brain and listen to your heart’s memories. Think back to a time when you were growing up and you were with your friends. Were you the leader? The one always telling the others what games or activities you’d play? Were you a comforter/ advice giver? The one everyone always came to for help? Were you the protector, the one that came across more like a second parent? Write that down now. Moving on through your life: in quiet moments, what were your dreams? What did you picture yourself doing? If you are like me, many things come up.

But the more you dig ,you will notice a theme. Now,In the roles you played,which ones were you most ‘yourself’ in? Did you notice a theme? Even if you can’t make a living at it, just be honest with yourself. The reason I had us do this exercise is to get us out of our fear-zone and into our dream-zone. Our dream-zone is where we find out why we are here. Life isn’t all about making money. Now don’t get me wrong, of course we want to be paid well and be able to provide for ourselves and our families. But how many of us are happy and truly fulfilled while doing that? I mean, are we living the best life we possibly could? Or if you hit the lotto ,would you quit your job and finally live? Do you have that secret list of things you’d only do if you hit the lotto? Well ,guess what. I’m here to tell you that the time to do them is now. No, I’m not saying quit your job. But what I am saying is, Why not now? Why can’t you find a way to do both? Yes, I know you hear that voice of fear telling you every reason you can’t, and trust me for years I listened to it ,only to end up here trying to re-write my life.

Now I am going to share the steps that led me to my discovering I’m a writer. I was known,and am known ,by my family as the ‘idea person’. I am always coming up with the ways things should be, or could be. I never seem to run out of ideas. When I was younger, I was the kid, along with my sister, that set the scene for all the other kids during playtime and later in life. We invented worlds,people,places and we would get lost in them for hours. In high school, I was lucky enough to take a creative writing class and it was that teacher who first told me I was a writer. At that time, I had the vision to see everything but writing. I’ve always been the type to go big or go home,but life doesn’t work that way, and after many years of rude awakening after rude awakening, I have decided to honor myself. Even then in high school, I was telling everyone my dreams. I dreamed of having it all, and boy was I dramatic. I wanted to be a pop star, and went after that dream. I wanted to be a dancer, and went after that. I wanted to be a movie director, and yes I even went after that. In all those things I was very good, I even wrote a few children’s books and movie scripts.

Writing was always in the background. But it still didn’t hit me, “Hello you are a writer.” At work, as a way to pass the time, I would write. When I had the courage, I would show those close to me, and they would love my wild poems or short stories, but still I had no idea I was a writer. Going to the movies, I always thought it was the director in me that was saying “that could’ve been told better'” “the story or that ending sucked” or “that didn’t make any sense,” “If I was directing I would’ve done x, y or z different.” And it wasn’t until life put pressure on me that I was forced to answer the call that had always been there.” You are a writer. There is a saying that goes like this:’ hindsight is 20/20′ It couldn’t be more true than in my own story, because looking back it makes sense; my mood swings, my wanting to be alone so I could think or play dialogue in my head, or my being in a room and seeing everyone there as a character in a story. A favorite pastime of mine is going to a place, any place, and making up life stories for people. I can entertain myself for hours, and the few friends I let into my world find it hilarious.

So there you have it I am a writer and I believe that having accepted that truth, living in it will open the universal doors to my life. Do I expect my life to change over night? I don’t know, but I do expect to be more comfortable in my own skin, and as with everything else, I plan to attack this with zeal. Wherever it leads,even if it is just me doing this as a hobby, I know I will go to bed at night feeling I haven’t wasted my life. The funny thing about finding out what you are here to do, at least for me, is you want to help others feel the same way. So that is why I started this blog. To get the conversation going and tell each and every one of you that tomorrow isn’t written in stone, and you are the writers of your personal story. If your life was a book, wouldn’t you want it to read like a best seller?

Again I ask you, as well as myself. Why not Now? What is it that you have been putting off that you know would brighten your days, even if no one else is doing it? I dare you to step out in faith and start a club or a group, talk to your friends and family, don’t stay stuck. We are energy, and energy is best served moving. So what’s the worst that could happen you fail? You waste time? I say, aren’t you doing both by not trying, and what’s the best that could happen? How do you want to show up in the world? How do you want to be remembered? I have a saying I say to my family: “I don’t want to die full of things I never did, but I want to die empty.” Nothing is holding you back except yourself. I’m done making excuses for “why not.” I’m ready to start making plans for, Why Not Now?

I Jumped… Will You??


This last year has been filled with many light-bulb moments. I have much to share. I am finding my way, and I invite you on the journey… the journey of life (…LoveInsightFaithExchange). Many things in life change. When I was younger I hated this concept, but as I get older (recently turned 35) I embrace this concept. Life is an adventure. A reality show waiting to happen. The one thing you and I can count on is CHANGE!!! Nothing stays the same, and that is the beautiful mystery we all try to wrap our heads around. I am what you would call a mixed bag. I am currently writing my first novel. This journey of self discovery through writing has CHANGED my life for the better. I was always a creative type, falling into many different trades. Settling for a service-type job just to pay the bills. Being a parent, hearing the advice I give to my daughter, and thinking of how I want her to live, I found myself challenged. How can I tell her go for your dreams and not go after mine? How can I say to her ‘women are equal,’ yet hide in the background? How can I say to her ‘you can be anything,’ yet I settle? So today I asked myself this question: What are you waiting for? No, I didn’t get an earth-shattering answer, except my own small voice of instant feedback. I can no longer make excuses. You know, the ones that hold us back. The ones that start with the word “When.” Here’s an example: When I learn to spell and can edit my own words, I can call myself a writer. Or, When I look the part (for me that means losing weight… so I look good on the book jacket). Or When I save up enough money to stay home and just write and still keep food in my fridge. Well, we all know those are just things we tell ourselves to keep ourselves from failing. I found myself thinking, “The only thing that could happen is nothing… and is that worse than what you have now?” My answer was NO. So I JUMPED. Yes! With fear in my heart, but I am tired making excuses about “why not” or saying “I can’t.” It is time for YES, and a different kind of “why not.” Not the type that ends there, but I am challenging myself to add a word on the end of that. WHY NOT NOW? As you can see, I titled this blog thinking of myself and the others that are in the same place as I am. We feel it deep in our souls. Something calling us to do something different. For me it was to finally accept that yes, there is a writer inside of me, as well as a host of other gifts that never seemed to gel… but that is what makes me Unique, and I am no longer ashamed. Will you join me? I hope so. Let’s hold each other accountable to live the best life that we can daily. I JUMPED…Will You?? Also, a side note for the people that notice grammar and spelling mistakes… maybe, just maybe you are an editor in hiding (LOL). I know I need one, but that was one of the many excuses for not getting started that no longer holds up. So if you are editing this for me as you read, and feel like you could help me with that, feel free to reach out. Payment will be endless appreciation and gratitude.